A Clinical Psychologist’s Guide for Supporting Children and Adolescents
For many families, mornings can become a source of stress when a child refuses to go to school. What may look like defiance or avoidance is often something much deeper. School refusal is a complex and emotionally driven response, typically linked to anxiety, distress, or unmet psychological needs.
In recent years, many parents have noticed an increase in school-related anxiety. One contributing factor is the lasting impact of the COVID-19 pandemic on children’s emotional, social, and academic development.
Understanding why school refusal happens—and how to respond effectively—can make a significant difference in supporting your child’s wellbeing and long-term development.
What Is School Refusal?
School refusal refers to a child’s difficulty attending or remaining at school due to emotional distress. It is different from truancy, where absence is typically linked to rule-breaking without parental knowledge.
Children experiencing school refusal often:
- Express strong reluctance or refusal to attend school
- Become highly distressed at the idea of going to school
- Frequently complain of physical symptoms (e.g., headaches, stomach aches)
- Have increased absences or difficulty staying for the full day
Importantly, these responses are not intentional misbehaviour. They are often driven by anxiety or emotional overwhelm.
How COVID-19 Has Impacted School Refusal
The COVID-19 pandemic disrupted children’s routines, learning environments, and social development during critical stages. Many children who are now school-aged experienced:
1. Disrupted Routines and Reduced School Exposure
Periods of remote learning and school closures meant that many children:
- Spent extended time at home
- Had reduced exposure to structured school environments
- Lost familiarity with school routines
Returning to school after prolonged absence can feel overwhelming, particularly for younger children.
2. Increased Separation Anxiety
During lockdowns, children often spent significantly more time with caregivers. As a result:
- Attachment needs may have intensified
- Separation from parents may feel more distressing
- Transitions back to school can trigger anxiety
This is especially common in children who were in early developmental stages during the pandemic.
3. Social Skill Gaps and Peer Anxiety
Limited social interaction during key developmental periods has contributed to:
- Reduced confidence in social situations
- Difficulty navigating friendships
- Increased fear of judgment or rejection
For some children, school now feels socially demanding in ways it did not previously.
4. Increased Anxiety and Emotional Sensitivity
The uncertainty and stress of the pandemic have had a lasting psychological impact. Many children now present with:
- Heightened anxiety
- Reduced tolerance for stress
- Greater emotional reactivity
This can make everyday school demands feel overwhelming.
5. Academic Gaps and Reduced Confidence
Interrupted learning has left some children feeling behind academically.
This can lead to:
- Fear of failure or embarrassment
- Avoidance of school tasks
- Reduced motivation
Academic stress can significantly contribute to school refusal.
Common Causes of School Refusal
1. Anxiety Disorders
Anxiety is one of the most common drivers of school refusal. This may include:
- Separation anxiety
- Social anxiety
- Generalised anxiety
School can feel unpredictable and overwhelming, triggering avoidance.
2. Emotional Overwhelm and Stress
Children may struggle with academic, social, or sensory demands.
Signs include:
- Emotional outbursts
- Withdrawal or shutdown
- Difficulty concentrating
3. Bullying or Peer Difficulties
- Bullying (in-person or online)
- Friendship challenges
- Social exclusion
These experiences can make school feel unsafe.
4. Learning Difficulties or Academic Pressure
- Fear of failure
- Low confidence
- Avoidance of challenging tasks
5. Changes or Transitions
- Starting a new school
- Family changes
- Environmental shifts
6. Mental Health Difficulties
- Depression
- Trauma
- Emotional regulation challenges
Why School Refusal Should Be Addressed Early
Avoidance may provide short-term relief but reinforces anxiety over time. Without support, it can lead to:
- Increased anxiety
- Academic difficulties
- Social isolation
- Reduced independence
How Parents Can Help
1. Validate Your Child’s Experience
“I can see this is really hard for you. Let us work through it together.”
2. Stay Calm and Consistent
- Maintain routines
- Avoid escalating emotions
- Provide reassurance
3. Gradual Return to School
- Start small (partial days)
- Build up gradually
- Collaborate with the school
4. Address Underlying Causes
Identify what is driving the distress:
- Anxiety?
- Social concerns?
- Academic difficulties?
5. Build Coping Skills
- Breathing exercises
- Grounding strategies
- Emotional regulation
See our coping strategies for stress guide.
6. Avoid Reinforcing Avoidance
- Encourage attendance gently
- Reinforce effort
- Celebrate progress
7. Work With the School
- Develop a support plan
- Identify safe supports
- Monitor progress
8. Seek Professional Support
A psychologist can help:
- Identify underlying issues
- Develop tailored strategies
- Support both child and parent
Explore our Psychology Services or request to book an appointment via our website.
When to Seek Help
- Ongoing refusal
- Significant distress
- Reduced attendance
- Increasing family stress
Final Thoughts
School refusal is not about defiance—it is about distress. For many children today, the effects of COVID-19 have added an additional layer of complexity to school attendance.
With understanding, patience, and the right support, children can rebuild confidence and re-engage with school. Addressing both emotional and environmental factors is essential for long-term success.